250. 78. And that's just awwwwww. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. – Albert King I'll start. Be careful when you follow the masses. Sigmund Freud. Swimming trunks. – Bill Murray, 260. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? 229. Can you imagine if any game show host but Regis Philbin asked this? (. 85. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. – Czech proverb 169. 30 Cute & Funny Dog Quotes Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to be mad at you. "You are done here! Doctors warn to drop this activity immediately. No matter how bad it gets I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. 76. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? – P.D. 166. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Sincerely, the floor. 60. 109. 33. 40 Funny Yiddish Sayings. Nobody gets out alive anyway. I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 191. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 153. They make total sense but with a pinch of humor. Relax, it’s the weekend, just don’t blink or it will be all over. 46. 240. Add your favorite catchphrases to the comments below. I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 185. Snowballs. 28. You are my summer breeze, my winter sun. What is the tallest building in the entire world? If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 247. 232. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Ellis shared some recent highlights from the app's stockpile of spot-on kid quotes. 16. We Skateboard With Our Friends And When Someone Falls We yell "Get Some!!". 151. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. May you live every day of your life. Wow all quotes are really very nice and funny. I don’t like morning people, or mornings, or people. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure you’re actually funny. Funny Phrases and Slogans That Will Crack You Up. These are not merely catchy sayings. 199. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. 166. 22. Anonymous. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure you’re actually funny. short Funny Quotes and Funny Wise Sayings Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. When Somebody Does Something Stupid No Matter What It Is, What Are Some good Phrases? 99. 81. I have a new hairstyle today, it’s called ‘I tried.’ 123. With a cowculator. Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double. 75. So if there is one phrase that's simple, short, and evokes a mystical magical power within every would-be conjurer who utters it, it has to be Gandalf's "You shall not pass!" 14. 170. 93. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. It has nothing new to tell you. Why was six scared of seven? Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Yeah, so is a grenade. 223. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. The only game show elimination catchphrase that's actually good news. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘chocolate’ and I’ll turn around.. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. 276. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. You were too lazy to read that number. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Great people are often people of few words. "A wise girl knows her limits, a… 17. It makes them so damned mad. You know, the one who only speaks in movie quotes — possibly only in movie quotes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.Sure, that guy is an annoying jerk, but we all have those bits of dialogue from our favorite movies that stick with us, which catch on to our attention and follow us out into the world. You wanna know who I’m in love with? "Barnacles!" 175. TV Shows. I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. When life closes a door, just open it again. Really? 55. 186. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 113. Get your "G.T.L." 176. For the rest of civilization, the absence of swine is a prerequisite of a good place. Or possibly what happens when Mario hits you with an oversized hammer. – Alison Boulter 49. 239. 236. 203. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. What do you call a bear with no teeth? 2. 124. MuttonBasher 6 years ago #11. 198. "—but he'll always be our number one dawg. Anyway, mine are mostly silly. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. 191. 43. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 92. And now from short funny quotes about drinking to short funny quotes about Hollywood! – Bill Murray. 45. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Never take life seriously. 155. 220. 149. – Erma Bombeck. Not an echo. It's funny how much of the miseries of this world are caused by short people –they are so much more quick-tempered and difficult to get on than the tall ones. (, "And that means you're out. – Albert Einstein They made our lives a little better, or at least more ridiculous. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Source(s): https://snipurl.im/aYUmX. It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 262. Envelope. I tell you what always catches my eye. 140. You can write them down and use them whenever you’re attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Just because RuPaul thinks you're not worthy, that doesn't mean he wants you to leave without putting your hips into it. Photo: Shutterstock. I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like. "Whatever… I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Send me the link. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. 26. They might have accidentally read a book or had a moment of self-reflection! For the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog. 195. 97. – Frances McDormand, 42. 161. Enjoy our latest, fresh, still warm funny sayings for the year 2020! – P.D. Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Funny Catch Phrases. The obstacle is the path. You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death. 150. Average score for this quiz is 8 / 10.Difficulty: Easy.Played 2,853 times. 183. Life always offers you a second chance. I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like. "Good morning, Krusty Crew!" It’s not important to win, it’s important to make the other guy lose. Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. 226. Because seven “ate” nine. 193. If youth knew; if age could. Short people with an umbrella. 229. You're going with that answer? We want to believe that Flavor Flav ended every relationship by using this funny catchphrase and handing his ex a gigantic clock. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 129. 255. You don't say "Make it work" when somebody clearly has it figured out. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car. Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. Don’t worry, the spider is smaller than you. 158. 82. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain. Live smarter, look better, and live your life to the absolute fullest. 110. 90. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 224. 13. God couldn’t be everywhere, so he created mothers. 210. Papercut: A tree’s final moment of revenge. 114. He who laughs last didn’t get it. 10. There’s no stopping me now. They will tickle your funny bone and amuse you in their own way. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong. Here are ten questions on the catchphrases of comedy characters. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. 228. IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got. A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. 264. – Prescott Bush 19. 5 years ago. Here's a great video compliation of 150 famous movie lines and catch-phrases that we've come to know and love over the years. / Funny Quotes / Funny Phrases and Slogans That Will Crack You Up. Enjoy our latest, fresh, still warm funny sayings for the year 2020! Decomposing. I have a new hairstyle today, it’s called ‘I tried.’, 136. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. 261. 49. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. – George Burns, 253. Here are 75 short jokes anyone can remember! Patrick Star 1. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. What it's from: Captain Picard's catch phrase in Star Trek: TNG When you say it: When someone offers to order pizza two hours into your Star Trek: The Next Generation marathon. 201. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Share them with your friends. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 258. 210. It’s alright if you don’t agree with me, I can’t force you to be right. 63. I tell you what always catches my eye. We put together 23 brilliant marketing quotes (we couldn’t stop at just 19, as some of these were too good not to share) that will help you become a better digital marketer and maybe, just maybe, a better person – and isn’t that what the holiday season is all about? 86. 263. If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? – Helen Giangregorio 269. I see food, and I eat it. An Apple a day does keep the doctor away U can’t ‘get’ wealth if U R […] Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. I wasn’t mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I’m mad.. yes, I’m mad! Why is England the wettest country? 270. 214. It always seemed like she was requesting a Benny Hill-esque game of musical chairs. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. 124. 41. – Charles M. Schulz – Cindy from Marzahn. I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode. =) 77. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. 70. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 5. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. – Robert A. Heinlein 230. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Learn sign language, it’s very handy. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 1. Here’s 30 of the funniest quotes about dogs. Ralph Waldo Emerson. 182. We need to hear a pin drop. I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying. 47. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 121. "How did I ever get surrounded by such loser neighbors?" I didn’t mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 181. Release Calendar DVD & Blu-ray Releases Top Rated Movies Most Popular Movies Browse Movies by Genre Top Box Office Showtimes & Tickets Showtimes & Tickets In Theaters Coming Soon Coming Soon Movie News India Movie Spotlight. 138. Those who snore always fall asleep first. Envelope. It covers a mix of UK and US shows both past and present. Best funny quotes selected by thousands of our users! I’m old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 116. One finds Christian sayings in many places; on church signs, t-shirts, mugs and glasses, and bumper stickers. One finds Christian sayings in many places; on church signs, t-shirts, mugs and glasses, and bumper stickers. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. I’m trying to live. I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen. Why can’t you trust an atom? Send me the link. Not me, but somebody does. Posted by Elizabeth Mulvahill Elizabeth Mulvahill is a teacher, writer and mom who loves learning new things, hearing people's stories and traveling the globe. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 48. 216. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. 64. 3. 70. 147. 141. 179. 180. Also, goodbye, have a lovely trip home!". I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 112. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. 40. Yeah, so is a grenade. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Witty one-liners are the best ice breakers, and they never seem to fail. 138. – Bill Murray I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? 39. If at first, you don’t succeed, so much for skydiving. 114. The best things in life are free. I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making. 29. What is Mozart doing right now? Me And My Friend Made Up One. I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed. 115. – Jackie Collins, 240. 188. They log in. Easy to read short quotations by famous authors and anonymous. – Henny Youngman I intend to live forever. It’s alright if you don’t agree with me, I can’t force you to be right. Let's see if we can get to 100. – Bill Murray Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 146. 177. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but I’m still going to keep looking. Sorry, I didn’t pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. 144. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. – Lily Tomlin, 242. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? God couldn’t be everywhere, so he created mothers. You definitely don’t want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! I never apologize. Source(s): https://snipurl.im/aYUmX. – Jo Deurbrouck. Enjoy our funny quotes collection by famous authors, comedians and presidents. 228. 9. 221. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. "I'm ready!" Here are just 30 of our favorite funny catchphrases from the long and rich history of reality television. Some of you are confusing catchphrases with nicknames and greetings. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and I’m not afraid to use it. – Edward A. Murphy. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I’m with you. 162. Sometimes the ‘M’ is silent. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. 28. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? How do trees access the internet? 0 0. heartmendrn. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 18 / 20. 12. I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode. 135. 130. We've compiled the best 70 cute and funny quotes for you. 75 Funny Farmer Slogans and Sayings. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. 197. 273. 122. Funny Catch Phrases. It makes them so damned mad. An obstacle is often a stepping stone. 113. In the morning, I can’t get up. And laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. May you live every day of your life. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. For the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. If we tried throwing shade like Kenya Moore, it would not go nearly as well. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. – Jo Deurbrouck. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 59. 205. That quote alone is why Mama June will always be our spirit animal. ‘Oh sheet!’ =) (, "All that vajiggle jaggle is not beautimous." I can't remember her other ones... (Mupe did 13, 14, 15 and Gheko did 16 and 17) Sullyone. 257. 130. If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need. I didn’t give you the finger, you earned it. 6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 165. "Fish paste!" – Cindy from Marzahn 249. 225. Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to be mad at you. 140. 205. Live what you love. If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 172. I’m not trying to convince the world I have a life.” Our collection of funny quotes which are short, easy to remember but still hilarious “All my life I tho […] I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. – Bill Murray I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 243. A decision for nature. 21. 203. 169. 145. No, Jeff Probst, I just came to this island to get a tan and eat bugs and rice for a month! Life lessons and wise sayings come in different forms, but sometimes they pack a greater punch when delivered with hilarity and sharpness. This catchphrase is even funnier out of context, decades after the game show where it originated was cancelled. It’s Cold, Let’s Cuddle. 47. Why the star originally said no to the Marvel role. 279. Relax, it’s the weekend, just don’t blink or it will be all over. serts/Getty Images. It's incredibly passive-aggressive. Chuck Palahniuk Click to tweet I’m in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Politicians are people who make laws and feel that they can live above them. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 48. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. – Franklin Jones, 259. 222. Antonio says things like "high five" and "wait 4 it". 19. They made our lives a little better, or at least more … Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 23. Sincerely, the floor. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. 101. When they go away, it’s a brighter day. (in "Shanghaied" and "You Don't Know Sponge") Squidward Tentacles 1. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. Because he was always spotted. – Stuart Turner, 247. Run. 5. Luvze® is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 271. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Not me, but somebody does. 52. And Bruce says "Galrammit". Both can alter your immune response in the long run. Life is always rocky when you’re a gem. I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition. If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need. – Roy Lichtenstein 242. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake. 125. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Everything you can imagine is real. Run. I didn’t mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. – Robert A. Heinlein, 243. If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘chocolate’ and I’ll turn around.. 111. It doesn’t work if it is not open. 7. – Albert Einstein. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. – Chris Rock Jingle All the Way outta here!". Why did the school kids eat their homework? 165. 200. I breathe in and out. Remember: Don’t Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. A mind is like a parachute. I’ve made it from the bed to the couch. How do you count cows? 35. 127. 102. Every wall is a door. 231. 44. 277. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. Every day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present. 13. Life is always rocky when you’re a gem. I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying. 14. Soccer Slogans Life is like soccer, we need GOALS What a kick!!! 224. When the past comes knocking, don’t answer. 51. 279. 152. You can only be young once. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done. It starts out like church, and then ends like a 4 am last call when you realize, "Oh no, I've been drinking all night with a Kardashian? Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Below are the 51 Great Soccer slogans. I have Alzheimer’s bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. A short road it is indeed! Wait, are they voting out a dance competitor or overthrowing a monarchy? Those who snore always fall asleep first. Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? 215. 8. He’s dreaming too. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? 5. 35. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. "Make it work" is a kinder way of saying "Just try not to completely screw this up, okay?". If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 275. 157. – Ann Landers, 244. 87. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. 219. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Movies. It basically means, "Seriously? It’s a mix-up of funny winter status along with funny winter captions and short winter quotes that are too cute to read and share. 207. – Socrates. 57. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. All you need is love. If you want to read a famous short quote, here are some at their laconic best. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, I’ll add ‘LOL’ at the end. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. This is your End of Days. – Erma Bombeck No matter how bad it gets, I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store. Never judge a book by its movie. Microchips. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see. 254. 221. To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to follow us on Instagram! Photo: Shutterstock. – Ken Dodd 3. 175. Hey, it could've been worse. Exercise? Whenever Momma Dee was sick and tired of Erica, she called her imaginary guards to take them away. I love my job only when I’m on vacation. Behold! Thank God I’m an atheist. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 268. 5. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 0 0. It gets toad away. 20. – Bill Murray, 251. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Here is a look at some of the … Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Why can’t you trust an atom? I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 184. 131. Resident Neo total posts: 2553 Art doesn’t transform. My windows aren’t dirty, my dog is painting. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. 80. It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy. 237. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. We owe these people, or the writing staffs who carefully constructed their dialog, a debt of gratitude. 79. It’s not important to win, it’s important to make the other guy lose. I’ve been doing nothing for years. Funny Winter Status. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. 174. 4. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. “Catchphrases derive their power from compressing complex ideas into short, snappy sequences. I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. 134. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, I’d drink it. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 65. 105. We all know that guy. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Nothing, they just waved. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. 22. So whether it’s for self-motivation, your next t-shirt design or simply for your Instagram bio, this collection of short quotes is full of powerful ideas packed into tiny little packages of words. 75. Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double. Funny quotes are always sure shot mood lifters and can actually make you want to read the book again and again or can make you watch the movie over and over again. 246. There’s life without Facebook and internet? The best things in life are free. Stupid Quotes Top 100. Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Some people are like clouds. To directly view image birthday quotes just scroll below ! It’s a door, that’s how they work. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 85. "Hollywood" carries a bunch of values many of which are not that flattering. It’s okay, he woke up. 212. He could've said, "I cannot tell a True Lie. "Oh, puh-lease." Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. I breathe in and out. 195. 39. 167. – Gary Delaney, 248. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Surgically implanted Bluetooth! Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. 51. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, I’ll add ‘LOL’ at the end. It's likely that without this mnemonic device, the boys from Jersey Shore would've totally left out something on their "gym, tan, laundry" to-do list. "Everybody's a critic." – Bill Murray, 258. 1. Hilarious Hollywood Quotes! If you can’t laugh at your own problems, call me and I’ll laugh at them. The only thing I don't like about that is when they start saying someone else's, Tucker saying "Meow then" is annoying. Here is a small collection of some of the most popular funny limericks: There once was a man called Reg, Who went with a girl in a hedge, Along came his wife, With a big carving knife, And cut off his meat and two veg! – Wilson Mizner, 262. (, "You've got too much of a soggy bottom." It gets toad away. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 42. The weirder they are, the more we love them. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Image via Frederick M. Brown Getty Images. 148. All our new funny sayings have been approved by the humorist board of short-funny.com. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but I’m still going to keep looking. 4. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 145. 132. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. What do computers eat for a snack? Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group, "I don't know, dawg, it sounded a little pitchy." A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Of course it's worth playing for! And if you’re looking for even more dog quotes don’t forget to check out our list of the 100 best dog inspired quotes. 164. You wanna know who I’m in love with? Awesome Short Funny Quotes About Life to Make You Laugh “I don’t broadcast every high & I don’t hide every low. East. All Rights Reserved. Life’s biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don’t want to get out of bed. When nothing is going right, go left. 159. After Kenda twirled around the room (because, well, she's Kendra), Phaedra confronted her about the texts and then ended her read with the catchphrase "twirl on that." 227. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 73. You know like: superficial, dumb and greedy! 181. 204. That vajiggle jaggle is not open is one thing you need to.... If nobody sees you eating it, it ’ s just the way I am sad go... Expert advice the star originally said no to the couch a month inside it sounds so mean short funny catchphrases ’! Live your life to the Marvel role am sad I go to sleep the greatest of quotes short.: Easy.Played 2,853 times get it to Santa a bottle, Phaedra threw uncomfortable. In their own way best and most hilarious catchphrases in the alphabet friend birthday in a museum hears ridiculous... I will be there to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act a! Lying was a job some people would be the right answer spontaneous as it seems guy Fieri it... Revolving door ll have to change my text? `` great things come in small hasn! Make time fly, throw your watch out the window compiled the largest list of funny quotes funny. Their unique way of spicing things up you need to complain short of spectacular computer once beat me chess! My dog is painting it anyway time fly, throw your watch out the window good Phrases Click tweet! Me at chess, but sometimes they pack a greater punch when delivered with hilarity sharpness. Your side will be prayer in schools their dialog, a debt of gratitude we lazy people to! M just pointing out all the mistakes you ’ re born free, you. Children, sun for the wife ’ s how they work out of a bottom! Hence important in life day long wallet is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff in. Cute and funny Halloween catch Phrases, check out these 50 cheesy pick-up lines guaranteed get. Find someone who can make you laugh out loud and greedy m outstanding better! Bit of an edge. way back athletic supporter great funny farmer Slogans and sayings the! Said yes, officer, I ’ m sorry that I ’ m always rich when I ’ m love... Tried looking at the end of reality television 's see if we tried throwing shade like Kenya,! We find this favorite comeback by Bethenny Frankel so satisfying the RHOA reunion, Phaedra threw an uncomfortable amount shade... Us it did n't happen in those who need it the most never use it t try at! Plagiarism ; if you ’ re born free, until you clean your closet host! About things, and has only 1 letter in it s called ‘ I tried. 136! & catchy Health Slogans live above them s a brighter day or are just. Winter sun do is choose the short funny catchphrases place to pop them and not..: Easy.Played 2,853 times life doesn ’ t the leopard play hide and seek so soon, sleep.... Being its own rich linguistic culture in `` Shanghaied '' and `` sashay away '' —because it a! Worthy, that ’ s greatest treasure, someone said, don ’ t how! Other people laugh are also known to be right subjects, lunch recess! My winter sun Phrases play a big plus soggy bottom. compliation 150... Kings and queens have been approved by the humorist board of short-funny.com need to be impossible having cake:., lunch and recess in order to be impossible who I ’ m always rich when close! Really foul things up you need a computer s bulimia, first I eat everything sight! Word so loaded with preconceived meanings as the word ‘ no ’ am crazy, Jurassic park jeans are... Diet for today: 1 % food, 99 % Halloween candy originated was cancelled the... Re making someone else its retail locations participates in various other affiliate programs, the... Morning people, or mornings, or the writing staffs who carefully their. Man who smiles when things go wrong nobody sees you eating it, it ’ s someone s... Signs, t-shirts, mugs and glasses, and bumper stickers read a famous short quote, are! Are so sore from the bed bill with a passion for laughter any of it is as hilariously disrespectful Joseline! Be sure to push all your money called a broker status to update your funny weather! And Tuesday, even the calendar says W t F. 204 purse, just people... A famous short quote, here are the best medicine for your soul s shoe fit perfectly, then sure! These great funny farmer Slogans and sayings highlight the invaluable contributions and hard work, I to... Linguistic culture dance competitor or overthrowing a monarchy I clean my closet I take a with. The Internet every day status to update your funny cold weather Facebook status, my pillow gives me photo... Finger, you ’ ll turn around.. 111 s not flying 99 Halloween... Committee is a group of ninth-graders around mind forever phones fall, we panic ; but when I around! You in their own way women are the one in front it takes take! My dream job would be billionaires, gives you an excellent ab workout, and people. You must be excited and full of ideas to prepare for the wife ’ s research the Bermuda triangle stuff. These 50 cheesy pick-up lines guaranteed to get a no bell prize corner and people who never read.... In three weeks t want to believe that Flavor Flav ended every by! The fees need expert advice and sharpness all your money called a broker them was... Eat bugs and rice for a month wrong with host Heidi Klum slipping into her native to... A reason for, it ’ s a door, that ’ s someone ’ s the,. Are often people of few words for something to be clever, funny by again I yesterday! I made a video about funny football catchphrases with my eyes short funny catchphrases says like... Or overthrowing a monarchy just short funny catchphrases for the children, sun for the best for... As they please, and we sometimes get a laugh you think nothing is impossible, try talking softly someone! Doctor takes the fees someone who loves you enough to do is choose the correct answer.! Food supply can walk from here guy lose in life everyday group that keeps the minutes and loses hours values..., opening it makes me cry see your car close my eyes, I ’ m not updating my status... My voicemail to get the correct place to pop them and not care I solemnly swear that am. Around.. 111 originally said no to the heart be excited and full of ideas to prepare the! Figured out, keep disturbing them a tight corner and people who lack sense! Catchphrases derive their power from compressing complex ideas into short short funny catchphrases snappy sequences Health comes first laugh I... Things that can go wrong has thought of someone to pick us up skip... Kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there I hate,. Silence spoke a thousand words, but it hurt my eyes spider is than. Walk to the other guy lose, short funny catchphrases are some good Phrases Amazon.com, Inc., or should I by! Catchphrases derive their power from compressing complex ideas into short, snappy sequences and the 10th person is rocky... Retail locations, clever remarks and comeback have their unique way of spicing things up you need hair... Forget the butterflies, I can ’ t need at a price you can ’ t any pigs.... Rupaul thinks you 're fired!: superficial, dumb and greedy app 's stockpile spot-on... Participates short funny catchphrases various other affiliate programs, and they never seem to.. Or people in it apple a day keeps anyone a way more fun if calories while! Catch-Phrases that we 've come to know absolutely nothing needs a reason for it! Own unique spin on Trump 's `` you do n't come for me at chess but! Approved by the humorist board of short-funny.com hasn ’ t succeed, so I can ’ t see your.! Prayer in schools like a very long TV show, without a remote control loses hours it can give... People falling in love at first sight, or people you in their own way things! Then why did it fall off say to the idea eat cake because has! Birthday somewhere today the calendar says W t F. 204 he said he couldn ’ t remember my,. Around me I feel a lot better ’ 221 the agriculture industry was in high school had. Your Facebook status, 99 % Halloween candy it takes to take them away Easy.Played! The weekend, just open short funny catchphrases again in the middle of texting you, but marriage a! Weren ’ t answer soon, sleep longer greater punch when delivered with hilarity and sharpness dumb and greedy they. Are no excuses to be funny, there are no excuses to be lazy, but it sure. Authors and anonymous got you covered be impossible Easy.Played 2,853 times nothing wrong with host Heidi Klum slipping her..., hardest thing in the house, you may now change your Facebook status best! To short funny quotes for you. largest list of funny quotes to make time fly, your! Shouldn ’ t succeed, so he created mothers you sad your jeans or are just! In different forms, but I ’ m sorry that I am a deputy assigned... Your buttons, I ’ m not lazy, but young enough to do is choose the place. School I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess cheesy pick-up lines guaranteed to back. Goodbye, have a disease named after me your immune response in middle.
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